The Saddest Freddie
by BlackWindHowls
Summary: A Seddie song fic from Freddie's POV. When they were sixteen, a series of events broke Freddie's heart. Inspired by "iWon't be Seventeen Forever".


_A/N: This story/songfic popped in my head yesterday and is inspired by "iWon't Be Seventeen Forever" ((Read it! lol)). For some reason, I got to thinking about "The Saddest Song" by The Ataris and Freddie and Sam popped in my mind. I'd actually like to hope that their (at least Freddie's) parents wouldn't react like this, but for the sake of this story, let's go on. This is my first iCarly fic (You know, sometimes it surprises me that I like the show as much as I do ha) as well as my first song fic. I hope you enjoy. Can you tell which shipper I am? lol_

* * *

_Only two more days until your birthday  
__Yesterday was mine  
__You'll be turning five_

I hit the buzzing alarm and sat up. I sighed as conscious thought took over my brain. Just the day before had been my birthday. But these days my birthday seemed so meaningless.

I hadn't seen the point ever since…

I clenched my fists as I fought back tears. Try not to think about it, I told myself, that's all in the past. It never worked, but I still told myself that. How could I not think about how my life had been taken away from me?

_I know what it's like growing up without your father in your life  
__So I pretend I'm doing all I can and hope someday you'll find it  
__In your heart to understand why I'm not around  
And forgive me for not being in your life_

I had grown up never knowing my father. The day I found out, I promised myself that my daughter would not have to go through the same. Her father would be in her life. I was going to do everything I could to take care of my girlfriend and daughter.

When Sam had told me the news, she had thought I would be so upset.

My heart ached at the memory. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable, so afraid. So unlike Sam_. She was still beautiful. _

God I still remember that moment exactly. My heart had dropped when she first told me. It's not every day that you're standing there a normal sixteen year old and then the next moment your whole world changed.

When the shock wore off, I was so excited. I grabbed Sam and kissed her like I had never kissed her before. I thought she was going to gag. I smiled. Even when we admitted our feelings and got together, our love-hate relationship didn't change.

My life had not been the same without her. Without _them_.

_I remember waiting for you to come  
Remember waiting for you to call  
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all_

Our parents didn't react so happily. My mother freaked. Sam's wasn't much better. Sam was the little tramp to mine and I was the bastard who confirmed it to hers.

Against our will, our parents kept us apart. My mother and I moved so I couldn't be with Sam. She didn't want anyone to know that her only son would do such a thing. Although in her favor she has started coming to accept it and regret what she did. Better late tha…yeah, that's not much comfort after five years, is it?

Sam and I tried talking my mother out of it. We had even considered running away. But we both knew that would be no life for a child.

The tears I had fought back forced their way out as I remember missing my own daughter's birth. Sam had named her Alex, the name we had agreed on during those early days after finding out the child's gender.

_I remember waiting for you to come  
Remember waiting for you to call  
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all_

It killed me never being able to see Sam or our daughter since I moved those five years ago. Thank God Carly and Spencer were there for her and had let her live with them. They all said they understood why I couldn't be there but the guilt never went away. It broke my heart every day.

But as I wiped away the tears, I knew things were different. Not even our mothers could prevent us from being with each other now.

_Maybe someday…you'll really get to know me  
Not just from letters read to you  
I pray I get the chance to make it up to you  
We've got a lot of catching up to do_

Sam and I had made sure to stay in contact as much as possible. She emailed me pictures of our daughter in almost every email. I still have every single one of those several hundred pictures on my hard drive.

Sam had mentioned Alex had started asking where her daddy was. She said Alex had started really noticing that all the other children had fathers.

Talk about heart-wrenching.

Sam told me that she just made up some lie about me being on a very important world-saving mission or something like that. According to Sam, that usually made her happy for a while. Sam reading her emails I had sent always helped from what she told me.

_So I pretend I'm doing all I can  
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart  
To understand why I'm not around  
And forgive me for not being in your life _

_So I pretend I'm doing all I can  
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart  
To understand why I'm not aroundand forgive me for not being in your life _

Of course I had done everything I could. I sent Sam as much money as I possibly could. But it never made me feel much better. Every single day for five years…._I had wanted to be there._

How could anyone not? I mean, I thought I had loved Carly all those years ago. But what developed between Sam and I put that infatuation to shame. And don't even get me started about Alex. I smiled as I finished wiping away the tears that had escaped. I walked into the bathroom and started cleaning up.

_Forgive me  
__I'm so sorry…  
I will make it up to you_

"Mommy!" I heard a young voice say from the bedroom. "Daddy's not here. I think Daddy's gone on another mission again! Tell him to come back!"

I laughed and nearly spit out the water I had used to wash the toothpaste out.

"Don't worry," I heard Sam tell Alex, "they wouldn't let him go with two broken arms."

I grinned_._

_I love you Sam Benson._


End file.
